March 20, 2005

By Request II

**Warning: It is reccomended that you read through this post before starting to read this, otherwise alot of things will not make sense at all. This document was created under the same circumstances as the other one, and the two were written simulateously.**

Force Man!
Force Man wishes that he was better at Ping than Pong is at smelling bad because he really did smell quite chronically depressed. He was also obese. And couldn't Ping/Pong very well. He then stuck the short end up the long end and it went Bing! The machine grew very big, bigger than big even, but because we're frogs we can only count up to big, this is because frogs have eyes on sticks, which are useful when we need to poke people.
Ping frustrated Force Man by eating all his frogs. Force Man began to beat Ping around the nose in a highly suitable fashion. Because of this beating, Pongs, who shares a pair of legs with Ping, they fell over humorously
(?). Force Man helped them up and they all had pizza for lunch. Magical Trevor, the well known gynecologist, was bringing in the lamas that were eating beans, beans, beans, lotsa- Everyone loves Magical Trevor, 'cos the-
"But Trevor, you have no legs!"
"Oh..."
So Trevor trotted off to the second leg shop and he discovered that his arm was in place of the watering tank down the street. He got his funeral sooner than expected, 'cos he caught tuberculosis from his arm's new friend Laura Green. But he wasn't actually dead as Catherine didn't succeed in killing him so he now lived in Limbo.
Force Man wishes he was a ping pong ball so he could live in Limbo too.
Force Man's wishes came true. He turned into an obese, chronically depressed superhero ping pong ball. But then Someone stood on him and crushed him flat.
"Oh no!" cried Someone.
Someone was surprised, because he had managed to squash a ping pong ball when it was twice as large as him. Someone - 24 years old - cut an apple and fed it to Force Man. But Force Man had his teeth broken when stood on by Someone. Someone decided to eat the apple him/herself. Sadly for Someone, being from Houston, s/he was healthy food intolerant and as a result of eating the apple his/her skin ruptured and split at the seams as if there were seams on a person's skin.
For some odd reason, an epic battle between Force Man and Max Density broke out. Force Man was still hungry because he had a bottomless stomach, so he ate Max Density. Due to Force Man's bottomless stomach he continued to fall for many centuries until he completed a circle and fell on Force Man's head. The confusingness of a ping pong ball being able to eat the most densest object in the world escapes the author at the current moment. But he cried anyway. They both cried. It was all very sad but the tears turned to gold and made them rich so they both decided to become pastors with golden tears. Unfortunately, the gold of their tears ran right back up into their skulls and they died a horribly golden death during a service.
Someone and Trevor went for a walk. This somehow led them to a table with a tiny net on it. They decided to play table tennis, so they dug up the stagnant body of Force Man. They then realised he was broken so they dug up Max Density instead. Sadly, before they could return to China, the heady fumes from the decaying Force Man made them trip out over a log. (Max Density does not decay because of his bucky ball structure, which is too dense for bacteria and enzymes to break down. Even gamma rays can't pass through. In fact, Max's only weakness is his love for anchovies, being tickled with a feather, and then a stakemade of garlic, silver and UV rays through his heart)(To date, only Cupid has managed to defeat him this way).
They eventually recovered and they found a table but it had no net. Trevor can only diappear things so could not produce a net, so they cried pathetically until Betty arrived with a baseball bat, which she used to 'pull the net out of the tree'. This fell out in a flurry of snow.
"It's raining!" screamed Trevor.
"Whatever Trevor." said Parvanana sternly.
So Betty, Trevor, Someone and Parvana (who came from Cuba) had a fight and then Parvana produced really fat cigars from her homeland. They all smoked them but due to the effects of tar in the smoke they all developed lung cancer and lived a long and prosperous life because Someone discovered a cure involving 3 french pigs and a Post-it note. Except for Trevor, who accidentally disappeared himself and nobody knew how to use his whip to make him come back, back, back from his magical journey. What did he see in the parallel dimension? He saw Force Mon, and they exchanged stories about their childhood dreams & aspirations.
But, back to Someone, Betty, and Parvana, who all owned conjoining condos in a high rise apartment and living off the millions of dollars that they had got when I sued the communist government of Cuba because of the effects of the fat cigars. They also ate lots of plums, without the skins.
But soon, MAX DENSITY CAME BACK AND ORDERED EVERYONE TO WRITE IN CAPITALS BECAUSE FORCE MAN WASN'T THERE TO STOP HIM. HE ALSO WONDERED HOW PAINFUL IT WOULD BE TO GIVE BIRTH TO CONJOINED CONDOS. HE TRIED AND DUE TO WHO HE IS, SUCCEEDED. NEXT HE ATTEMPTED A CASTLE BUT THE CASTLE WAS TWICE AS DENSE AS MAXIMUM AND MAX DENSITY COLLAPSED DURING CASTLEBIRTH. a nearby reporter wrote a nice article about it and declared that capitals were no longer necessary because mr m density was dead.
HURRA- i mean, hurrah.
and so, in the wonderful world of dramysics, peace continued eternally. except for the incident in which betty used necromancy to resurrect force man as a zombie and take over the world, but this is boring and makes bad reading.
the national extreme jacks competition is coming up in the land of thespiouspus. sadly there is a communist nation between our heroes and the lucrative prize money.
"gasp!" said the peach, as he got stood on bad eggs, peaches squishing through semicolon cancer - also known as plot, who was lost long ago.

~Fin~

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