February 27, 2005

Things that start with Ca.

For the sake of having a themed blog for a day, here's a few things I'd like to share with you. These things all begin with Ca, and I have an opinion for each of them. I may need a dictionary.

First, there's California. According to Wikipedia, California is 'a state located in the western United States, bordering the Pacific Ocean'. It's official nickname is 'The Golden State', which I think is kind of dumb because it just shows that they're proud of all the grass dying in the summer. Here's something I didn't know - The name comes from a spanish novel Las sergas de Espladián, where there is an island paradise named California. Its capital is Sacramento, and it has the motto of "Eureka!" (What? California doesn't have anything to do with Archimedes or volume displacement...). California also has The Governator at its golden grassy helm.

Something else beginning with Ca is Cancer, which is quickly supercedeing money as the root of all evil in the world. Cancer is a malignant growth or tumour, caused by abnormal and uncontrolled cell division. I don't like cancer, it kills people without knowing it. It's like a small innocent toddler that has found the keys to his mother's car and decided to take a drive to the sunday market, but hasn't realised that the sunday market is crowded. While mowing down people, he giggles at the fuzzy dice dangling from the rear-view mirror, and wiggles the stearing wheel a bit more because he's seen his mother do it a bit more.

Candy starts with Ca. 'Candy' is a word widely used in the US, as in the UK it has been replaced with 'sweets' or 'lollies'. Here in New Zealand, 'lollies' is used, and 'candy' is used when somebody wants to sound nice or is making an arse of themselves. A famous saying involving Candy is 'to steal candy from a baby', which implies something is very easy to do. However, stealing candy from a baby isn't very easy at all - First, you must find a baby that has an ignorant enough mother who allows her children to eat candy freely without any ocncern for their dental hygiene. Then, the mother has to turn away long enough for you to yoink the candy out of the small child's hand, without disturbind it often cries when it finds that the sticky mess that it once had isn't there anymore. Ignorant mother gets involved, and more often than not tackles you as you run away, because ignorant mothers enjoy playing contact sports that involve tackling. Perhaps we should set attempt to steal cancer's candy - Just to see what that murderous toddler's mother is like.

Cars are the bane of my existence. I think. I don't like to drive them, they make loud noises, I avoid markets like the plague because of cancer driving around in his car, and they polute the air. I'd much rather walk, thank you very much. Besides, shoes are much cheaper than cars, and there's the added bonus of exercise. Or, get me a scooter (moped). Much more economical, and much more comical.

Here's something for you Canadians out there. I personally think Canadians are a wonderful bunch of people, judging from the ones I've met, and uphold the opinion that Canadians are pretty damn cool. many Canadians can speak French, and even more speak English. They have a wonderful habit of adding 'Hey?' to the end of every question, which is better than the Scottish saying 'Aye', because you think that the Scottish are going to start talking about themselves, when they're only just agreeing with you. Canada has beautiful roads, and it's flag is red and white. Everyone knows Red is the fastest colour. Although my jandals are black, and they're pretty damn fast... Maybe black comes in at a close second.

A cauldron is a large metal boiling pot, commonly used by witches to make various potions and leprechauns for keeping treasure in. In Final Fantasy VII, a Cauldron is an item acquired from Zombie Dragons in the Northern Crater, and causes various status effects to one enemy.

My word of the day is Catatonia. It is a severe psychological condition, characterized by stupor and excitement. Catatonic stupor has an absence of motor activity, and Catatonic excitement involves violent hyperactive behaviour for no reason or purpose. It can be treated with the drug Benzodiazepine.

On another note, here's your chance to change the world forever. Go to this site, and vote for Brad's Mom. It won't take long, and it's relatively painless. Remember to spell it properly.


February 26, 2005

By Request

This won't make sense at all, but I promised Rox that it'd be up here.

Jimmy the Giant Grape
Wisdom wishes to give Force Man some advice, but she can't. She's illiterate.
"Oh no, it's Max Density!" exclaimed Force Man, "I think I peed a little. I know, I will swim to the bottom of the sea to fetch a giant natural sponge!"
On his way to the beach, he met movement man.
"Oh, Movement Man, the world needs you!" Force Man cried.
"How wonderful! I've been meaning to do something."
"Good. Cheerio!"
"Tata" said Movement Man as he moved in differing speeds toward the city.

Force Man then jumped on a horse and started to gallop to the nearest bath house 'cos he stank. But the horse had gangrene in his leg and he fell over and Force Man rolled all over the ground. The Horse, which was named Spiderman, was in terrible pain so Force Man called YOU THE GUN GIRL to come and shoot Spiderman and relieve him of his misery.
"Thank you, You. You, you are an amazing asset to this fine country of... Dramysics.
"Goodbye! Wooo!"
And You the Gungirl Wood off into the distance.

Force Man, realising his folly (what folly?), started walking toward the sea to find his natural sponge, which he needed to make a seafood salad out of stuff found in the depths of Max Density's highly compacted innards, somewhere near the spleen.
Quick Quizz: Who weighs more - Force Man, who is fat; or Max Density, who is the largest amount of matter.
When Force Man found the secret superb fantabukous OMG super freakin' underwater hydro base top secret OMGOMGLOL!!!111one of DOOM underwater, he was mildly surprised and particularly amused. He swam toward it, while Movement Man (where'd he come from?) jumped up and down on gun girl to get to the roof of an ice cream van to get his beach ball down. Spongebob showed his ____ face and said
"I'm here to help!"
But Force Man, who only has a level 2 mentality, had been easily distracted by the colours on his hat, boots, and necklace.

His necklace was swaying in the wind, pretty colours everywhere.
Back and forth, back and

Force Man became hypnotised, and threatened to be damned if he ever called his son Jack again. His son was rather confused by the stamp tax and all the zombies that enforced it with mind control necklaces, frogs, and beach balls. His son, Jennifer, caught a glimpse of his dad in his softball glove and decided he looked like a pirate or pimp due to his alliteration of things he had seen.
Movement Man's beach ball was currently on a wonderful adventure with Molly Mandarin, but that story goes out of the scope (and intellectual understanding) of this current thread.

One day Movement Man's very good friend Jimmy was travelling with him through Dramysics forest, listening to the song Parvana. All of a sudden, a young kung-fu chick called Parvana dropped down from the forest, and calmly said:
"I am not Esther."
Which was, funnily enough, true. However, a wild boar came out of the bushes and gored her through the head, at which she remarked:
"Silly boar, I know kung-fu and karate and other shit you can't pronounce and..."
Despite the implications of the text she did not die, but instead she beat the bejeezus out of the boar.
"Thank you, Esther" said Movement Man.
"I am not Esther" said Parvana calmly to the audience.
She then proceeded to beat the bejeezus out of Movement Man and Jimmy.

Jimmy ate the apple. It was good and being fresh from the boar's mouth was covered in bacteria infested saliva.
When Jimmy returned home he was first complemented on his deep purple complexion as a result of the beating from kung-fu chick. He was then kicked out of his tribe as cannabilism is not accepted there, and Jimmy, a grape, had just eaten an apple who was infact the brother-in-law of his aunty's second cousin's niece's uncle-in-law who was the leader of the tribe. Jimmy then went on a cannabilistic rage eating all the apples, grapes, grapples, and apes, thus making him a GIANT grape.

Meanwhile, Force Man was looking for something colourful, juicy, and rhyming with shape for a pie he was making. About... now, his parallel self died, which made him internally depressed. But that's all the apple's fault. Anyway.
Back on the farm, Jimbo was cooking apples, but this story has nothing to do with anything.
Jimmy the Giant Grape met Force Man in Dramysic's beauty parlour. Force Man, who was still looking for a firm purple substance to put into his pie, saw the giant grape rolling away down the hall, and ran after it as fast as his fat little legs would carry him.
Jimmy, seeing he was being chased by a superhero, decided to turn evil himself. He clicked his fingers and produced a giant grape-pip launcher and went about shooting pips through Force Man's and Force Man's granny's windows.
Force Man, who was still following Jimmy for his pie, decided to use a bicycle, as it was faster than other options such as a jet engine or a time machine. So Force Man peddled away as fast as he could and soon enugh he was outside the bath house and chasing Jimmy. Jimmy ducked, but as he ducked he fell into a giant vat of grapes being prepared for uses in alcoholic drinks. These grapes all said to him "Hello stranger" in swahili, he didn't understand.
Force Man took his chance and quickly dived in to search for giant grape Jimmy.
"Burble," said Force Man, his mouth full of grapes.
"Burble," said Jimmy, because he was suhc a copycat.
"Burble," said the rest of the grapes for no reason at all.

Force Man then met his Jamaican counterpart Force Mon in the bottom of the barrel, and exchanged stories about their childhood dreams and aspirations for the future. This happened to be overheard by a swahilian winemaker, who wrote this into Lord of the Rings. In reality, Tolkien was a swahilian winemaker, who dieded at age 22 from lung cancer, before someone found a cure.
After having a long conversation with the swahilian grapes, the bilingual Force Man got offered a sackful of grapes to make his pie with. He took them, and by pure coincidence Jimmy was the only grape in the sack.
So Jimmy was made into pie and eaten by Force Man and Force Mon.

Is this the end? Are we there yet?

It depends on whether or not Spongebo invites them over to play extreme jacks. Is he does, then it is the end... otherwise...

This story will continue when I get more paper.

Is this made no sense, then good. It wasn't supposed to. You know those word-at-a-time stories? This was one of those, done in History. It was four-words-at-a-time, and it quickly deteriorated into a write-as-much-as-you-want-and-then-pass-it-on-at-a-time story.
I was the lucky one who got to keep the paper. Rox wanted it.


February 13, 2005

Grab on while you can (And the day of the spider)

Nothing to be done.

School began, peer support started (peer support was mighty fun), peer support ended (finally), and twe started working. Well, almost.

For example, in Design the other day we drew shapes on coloured paper, cut them out, and stuck them onto other bits of paper. I drew a bunny and a house. They were supposed to be possible stamp shapes, but... Meh. Quadrilaterals are go.

My pet goat (Yogi)(Or is it Jogi...)(I don't know how to spell it, just say it) had kids - They were both dead, and one of them as only half-formed (the skin was slipping off and hairless and ew-ew, and it had a huge tumour goiter thingy in it's throat). I guess that's what you get for leaving the goats to do the dirty with their relatives.

On Friday it rained. Heaps. I had last period free, so I got a ride down to the library to look for Waiting for Godot (I'm actually going to be able to do it! Yay!), but it wasn't there. I then walked to catch the bus, and just as I was nearing the bus stop it drove past me, stopped at the bus stop to pick up people, waited a good ten second longer, and then drove off - I was only about 20 metres away. I was fairly damp at this time (Having been walking in the rain for 20 minutes), so I walked to Claire's (my sister's) work. She hadn't started work yet, so I rang Mum and got her to pick me up - I spent about 45 minutes in the rain that day. Oh, fun.

This morning in the bathroom there was a fairly large spider (by NZ standards) on the wall. I chased it down into the corner so it wouldn't get killed by anyone else. Just before, there was an even bigger spider in my wet T-shirt (The one from Friday), so I put it outside. I hate to kill things, but it's strange to see two big spiders in one day.

That's about all I can remember from the last... 3 weeks? Wow. There really isn't anything to be done. Oh, I bought Tyrannosaurus Hives. Good album, if a little short (30 minutes).

Jya ne.